SunniPath Answers

Be close, but transact as strangers
Answered by Faraz Rabbani

In the Name of Allah, Most Merciful and Compassionate

May Allah’s peace and blessings be upon His Messenger Muhammad, his
folk, companions, and followers

Allah Most High says in the Qur’an

“And obey Allah and His messenger, and dispute not one with
another lest you falter and your strength depart from you; but be
steadfast! Lo! Allah is with the steadfast.” [Qur’an, 8.46]

The scholars tell us that the most damaging money-related disputes
occur between close family and close friends. The reason for this is
because close relationships, trust, and understanding often lead to
undefined and unclear dealings.

The problem with this is that when something happens that leads to
differing interests, then these unclear dealings lead to disputes that
break family relationships and destroy friendships.

An example would be a student going to college: her father says,
“Take our downtown flat.” Then, two years down the line, the father and
daughter disagree about some major life matters. The father tells her

she can no longer stay in the downtown flat. The daughter refuses,
saying, “You gave it to me. It is mine.” The father says, “No, I just
let you stay in it.” This aggravates their disagreement, and leads to a
long and harmful break in relations…

Similarly, when the father dies, families often break up over
ownership and inheritance issues: the wife claims that her husband gave
her the main house, while the three children (struggling to get
established in life and in need of funds) argue that the house always
belonged to the father (thus entering in the inheritance). They fight…

The solution

The solution, the scholars tell us, is: Be close, but transact as
strangers.

Deal with family and friends with love, trust, and understanding, but
make sure your transactions are clearly defined and properly recorded
when significant. This is, in fact, the Qur’anic recommendation in
transactions, and clear from the radiant example of the Prophet Muhammad
(peace and blessings be upon him).

If this is done, countless disputes are avoided, and the love, trust,
and understanding that meaningful relationships and strong communities
are built on is ensured.

Abu Hurayra relates that the Beloved Messenger of Allah (peace and
blessings be upon him, his family, companions, and followers) said,

“Do not envy one another, do not bid against on another, bidding
in order to raise the price, do not hate one another, do not turn
your backs on one another, and none of you should sell against the
sale of another. Be slaves of Allah, brothers. A Muslim is the
brother of another Muslim: he should not wrong him nor scorn him nor
disappoint him. Godfearing is here,” and he pointed to his breast
three times. “It is enough evil for man to scorn his Muslim brother.
The blood, property and honour of a Muslim is unlawful to another
Muslim.” [Muslim, from Ustadha Ayesha Bewley’s translation of Riyad
al-Salihin]

And Allah alone gives success.

Wassalam,

Faraz Rabbani